Card reading for 5/28/19. Do you trust happiness? Does contentment (10 of Pentacles) scare you? I admit this is a deeply rooted issue within me, stemming from a childhood of constantly moving around. As soon as I started to feel happy and settled somewhere....Bam! It was time to move. This went on til my early 20s. No roots for me. No deep connections, though, I wanted them so badly. I felt lonely most of my life and craved connection and inner peace more than anything actually. It's grown into issues of worthiness and guilt, as though, maybe I just don't deserve to be happy in this life? I handle crisis like a champ, but give me happiness and peace and my insides start churning. 'How's this going to be taken from me?' I wonder. I buzz around like a bee preparing for (what feels like) inevitable disaster and loss. I've been feeling that churning in my stomach and the buzzing about in my mind a LOT lately. Why? Because for the first time in a very long time, I'M HAPPY. And..well, I'm terrified. I knew from very early on, the way I grew up was not right. And I've known for the last several years it is my karma to heal these negative patterns within myself and balance (Justice) out my skewed beliefs in this lifetime. Lately, I've been so happy, (it even feels weird to say!) and I am fighting serious guilt because of it. I find my inner critic speaking up, telling me I'm goofing off too much or indulging too much, that I am not worthy of this happiness without hustle or hard work or deprivation of some kind. But the thing is, I've DONE a lot of hustle and hard work and deprivation! Regardless of that, I deserve to be happy! I am worthy of happiness because I AM. And I'm finding myself saying these words each day. And with each day comes a little more trust in it. With more trust, my spirit opens to new and infinite possibilities for my life (3 of Wands.) I share my personal read on these cards because I know many can relate when it comes to feelings of worthiness. YOU are WORTHY of a good and happy life. Your real work in this life is to break the negative patterns and beliefs that keep you from it. And you must do it every day. Like an exercise. The same way you learned it, you must unlearn it. And then do this til you start believing it. Then do it every day for the rest of your life. I am worthy of happiness. YOU are worthy of happiness. Say it with me.
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Card reading for 5/21/19. This has been a hell of a week, one that has me contemplating the idea of balance and fairness (Justice.) I've actually had one of the best weeks of my life, while others in my world have suffered the absolute worst possible. I have kept to myself (Hermit,) quietly feeling both extreme gratitude for my circumstances and simultaneously feeling guilt and pain for the circumstances of my loved ones. Why is it like this? Why the roller coaster? Why can't we just have happiness and peace while in this human existence? A naive idea to ponder maybe, but at 41 years old, rather than toughen up to life, it seems my empathic nature and sensitivity is only being heightened. Sure, I get the esoteric concept of 'no light without dark' blah blah... but is this just the bullshit we have to say to endure this life? Because frankly, I have had it with suffering. I am sick of unfairness. I'm really struggling with it this week and I admit, my faith is shaken once more. I don't know how to feel at peace right now with the good things that are happening for me knowing that my friends suffer, knowing that everything can be stripped away from me in an instant too. I can't do everything perfect or right, no one can, and so what? We pay the price with loss and suffering? (5 of Cups) It's interesting to me because as this strange mix of circumstances and feelings are swirling around me this week, I'm studying a new technique in my astrology course that has me wondering about concepts like fate and luck. Do some just luck out? I don't know, but it sure seems that way. I'd like to think we play a role in how our reality looks, but when tragedy strikes or when circumstances just keep piling up against our efforts, I can't help but think there is more to it. I don't normally pull a 4th card but for my own sake I needed to end this on a positive note, because well, that's me. The World. How ironic. The World is the ultimate.... the ending and the beginning. The World card today is a portal into a new World; Heaven perhaps for some, for others the inner eye opening to another facet of the reality of life. What's obvious to me now is that the new reality is not what we thought it would be, it never really is, and it's our work now to make peace with it. Again.
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Card reading for 4/30/19. The 5 of Cups surrounded by the Magician and the Ace of Swords. The Magician and the Ace of Swords are tremendously powerful cards. Combined, their energy can manifest big things. What's disrupting your power? The 5 of Cups indicates a loss of power, real or imagined, and being drug down by the weight of big emotions. Perhaps you've experienced a loss, or repeated losses. Perhaps you are experiencing the foundations of your very existence slipping through your fingertips. This energy is prevalent for many as Pluto and Saturn retrograde alongside the south node of the moon in Capricorn. But remember, your power is not external based upon anyone or anything else, including your perceived losses. Your power is within you and around you at all times. It IS you or rather, you are power. These are indeed heavy times, my friends. Life as we know it is changing and it is scary. These shifts are causing our deepest wounds to be triggered and surface, perhaps the deepest wound of all is the feeling of powerlessness or failure. What this reading wants to remind you is that your power is within you, surrounding you always. You are the Magician, keeper and master of the elements. Life is the Ace of Swords, a powerful new beginning every time you open your eyes. The 5 of Cups is nothing more than our attachments to what we feel we "should" be. Our work begins now is disciplining our minds. Taking control back of our thoughts, knowing that this is where our power lies. Thoughts create things, afterall, and if we want something new, it must first begin in thought. I don't have space for the astrological "backing up" of this reading, but the cosmic energy is definitely aligned with what the cards say once again. I'm certainly a believer in allowing time to grieve and the process of letting go of our attachments to things is a grieving process. But at some point you have to pull yourself together and say I've fucking got this. That time is now, guys. Or soon. The Universe is responding to your thoughts and it won't stop throwing shit at you until you stop throwing shit at yourself....in the form of negative thoughts and beliefs.
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Card reading for 4/23/19. Many astrologers are predicting the upcoming Saturn and Pluto retrogrades to be very doom and gloom and I have to disagree. There will be some craziness, but I actually think the craziness they are predicting will come closer to the eclipse season in July and be very condensed. For now, what I sense is a peaceful pause, indicated here by the 7 of Pentacles. The Saturn/Pluto conjunction in Capricorn has been asking you to restructure a certain part of your life. What area of life this is for you is specific to your birthchart (and if you are curious, I'd be happy to take a look at it for you.) Capricorn represents rigid structures and systems of old. These two malefic planets going through this sign together are essentially tearing down walls and things you thought were permanent and building them anew. In January 2020 they come into an exact conjunction alongside Jupiter. Their message is clear: it's a new Earth awaits and the skills of the awakened people are going to become essential. We are out of whack with mother nature and it's time for a reset. Many of us have sensed this, felt the pain of the planet in our hearts, and been on a journey to heal naturally and reshape our lives for awhile. If you have contemplated learning a new trade or skill, this is the time to do it, indicated here by the Page of Pentacles. This Page represents good news in finances so if you're wondering how to fund it, trust that the Universe will make it so if your heart's desire is in the right place. The Page of Pentacles also indicates childhood innocence and this triggers the idea of returning to what you loved as a child. What was it for you? Jupiter in Sag wants you to expand upon it! For me, I've always been passionate about the stars and sky, the beauty of nature, and absolutely fascinated by how humans are interlinked with the cosmos...so I have taken my study of astrology up a notch. I look at this reading today and see the Universe offering us a green light, a little peace in order to get things done. The 3 of Cups indicates something to celebrate. So although it may be a long and bumpy road ahead, the end result is worth celebrating.
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Card reading for 4/17/19. The 9 of Wands has a very clear message for you: now is not the time to give up. I LOVE getting this card because it always shows up right when I feel exhausted in every direction and im beginning to question my chosen path. The 9 of Pentacles says keep pushing, and yes, you can do this. The 2 of Pentacles shows there is a lot on your plate at this time, so exhaustion was to be expected if things were out of balance. The good news is that new energy is coming through with the Emperor. The Emperor is the card of Aries, ruled by Mars. Mars is currently in the sign of Gemini, ruled by Mercury. Mercury just entered Aries today. Two planets in each other's signs is what astrologers call mutual reception. The bonus here is that these two planets like each other's signs and so they are exchanging positive energy flow to one another. Mars is our physical stamina. Mercury is our mental stamina. In Pisces, Mercury was drowning and perhaps you felt this as mentally defeated. I know I did! Today there is a shift and what the cosmos want you to know is that you have what it takes. The past month or two of this murky energy has been a test. Byt....you pass! In Pisces the planets want you to release what holds you back. This is so when they move into Aries we can charge forward and with so much more precision. The Emperor here is a gift. He is a return logic and the burst of vitality and focus you need for achievement. The Emperor and the 2 of Pentacles together is an affirmation that you can do this. If you aren't feeling this today, you will be very soon so rest if you need it and just keep putting one foot in front of the other...and don't stop.
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